It’s difficult for me to share these images. Each time I look at that scar, I’m reminded of the emotional journey I’ve been through. The rolls, bumps, and moles on my body make me cringe. But here I am, trying to romanticize an image of a melanoma removal scar, all the while criticizing the way my body looks after fighting through the battle against cancer.
From Outfit Documentation to Personal Revelation
Being “real” on this platform has often been a struggle for me. It all started by chance. I wanted a central location to review the outfits I wear, and the items I genuinely use from my closet. It was a way to have a better frame of mind when decluttering my clothing and donating things I no longer needed. What began as a simple photo documentation of my daily outfits turned into something more significant, and sometimes I have to stop and remind myself not to lose the real “me” in the process.
The Unexpected Diagnosis and Emotional Rollercoaster
On the day of my diagnosis, I was already dealing with the news of a dear loved one’s passing. Amidst the emotions of grief, I received a call from the dermatology lab. The biopsy I’d had the week prior, which we initially weren’t overly concerned about, came back positive for melanoma—a shock that left me in a state of disbelief and confusion. How could this be happening on the same day we were mourning the loss of a family member? This couldn’t be happening at all. I was originally told by the dermatologist during the biopsy that it was unlikely to be melanoma, at worst, perhaps only precancerous.
As the lab technician explained the next steps post-diagnosis, her voice became distant, blending into the background of my thoughts. The weight of reality settled in as tears welled up in my eyes. Yet, I chose to push those emotions aside, taking the technician’s reassurance that catching it early meant everything would be fine. “I don’t want you to get scared—we’ve caught this early and this is totally treatable. I don’t want you to lose sleep over this.” With her calming words, I decided not to dwell on the severity of the situation.
Learning to Love Myself Again: Scars and All
It wasn’t until this week, three months after my initial surgery and with the recent removal of a second spot, that I began embracing what I’ve gone through. I’m learning to love my back again, scars and all, painfully aware of how they feel and how they look.
But it’s not just about embracing my scars; it’s also about accepting the necessary steps I’ll have to take for the rest of my life to prevent another case. The sun hats, UPF clothing, SPF 30-50 for both face and body, sunglasses, regular skin exams every few months, and annual check-ups (including imaging, as encouraged recently by a local doctor) to ensure the melanoma hasn’t spread elsewhere—it all makes me feel like throwing an internal temper tantrum at the universe. Yet, I recognize the importance of these precautions and the impact they have on my well-being.
Taking Steps for a Lifetime of Prevention
In the back of my mind, I’ve struggled with the idea of talking about my experience because I know others have faced much worse. I’ve lost a friend, who was just a couple of years older than me, to breast cancer. Another friend is currently battling stage 3 breast cancer as I write this. Melanoma, being a skin cancer, may not seem as serious to some. It’s treatable, so what’s the big deal?
I still don’t have a definitive answer to that question, but I’m allowing myself to understand and process that I have undergone major surgery, received a diagnosis, and had cancer. It’s OK to sometimes be mad and frustrated and overwhelmed and upset that this is where I’m at—all the while appreciating that it could absolutely be SO much worse.
I also know that, while I need to be careful myself, I can use this platform to advocate for others. So, I implore anyone reading this to wear sunscreen diligently and get your skin checked annually. Let’s prioritize our skin health and learn from each other’s experiences.
A Reminder of Perspective: Advocacy for Skin Health
In sharing my vulnerability and journey with melanoma, I hope to inspire conversations about self-acceptance, skin health, and the importance of being attentive to our bodies—regardless if you’re in the “prime” age for checkups or not (I’m 32 at the point of writing this, and I can now laugh when I say that my “young” age in being diagnosed was brought up no less than three times by various doctors and nurses thus far on my journey).
It’s not always easy to open up, but by embracing our experiences, scars, and imperfections, we can foster a community of support and raise awareness about skin cancer prevention. Let’s take care of ourselves and encourage others to do the same. ❤️
